AKA: How not to do a con as an introvert (or maybe just
as me)
I made it to Balitcon this year despite having a full family life,
however I went about it all wrong. Somehow, I think I should have…well...I'm
getting ahead of myself. First. Let’s start by stating that I am an introvert.
This is not news to me. I have known it my whole life, but after reading TheIntrovert Advantage, I know a lot more about what makes me tick. Also within
the last week I was diagnosed with moderate to severe anxiety. I am still
digesting that one, but it explains a lot. Anyway, that all aside, I have been
thinking about Balticon all month and whether I should attend or not and
whether I should enter some art in the art show or not. I decided I wasn’t
ready for the art show and was not likely to get any return on it. Also, I didn’t
want to drive up there to drop off and pick up my art. I live within 2 hrs of
Balticon, so I thought I would just drive in to attend. If I had to stay overnight,
I wouldn’t have gone at all. In the end I decided to just attend on Saturday
and get as much out of it as I could. My goals were to meet people and start
learning my way around the social customs of approaching and talking to an
actual, live Editor/Agent.
Saturday
morning, I left home with enough time to encounter traffic, get lost or wait
through a long registration line, but not all three. As the 2 hr drive
progressed and I took a wrong turn in construction zone and then waited in
accident traffic I became increasingly agitated. By the time I registered and
walked into the program 10 min late, I was feeling pretty frantic. Then I
bounced from panel to panel, without giving myself time to do anything else.
The only time I talked to people was when they approached me. Even worse, I cut
conversations short so that I could go to another panel. Sigh. This was
especially stupid in retrospect when I found that most of the panels I had
chosen had nothing new to offer me. I have been studying the business of
writing long enough to know the basics, like don’t be a jerk, etc. I am
officially giving myself permission to stop going to those kinds of panels and
choose something totally new and outside my realm of experience. One incident
that has me laughing at myself in a sad sort of way happened right after a Multi-creative
program, one of the more interesting panels I attended. I was waiting for a
pizza at the café and one of the panelists walked by and saw me. I had asked a
few questions during the program and so he wanted to follow up. He, PatrickSaffiddo, was very nice and offered to send some helpful info after the con.
I almost asked if he wanted to talk and have some of the too large pizza that I
had bought with the intention of sharing, but I got in the way of myself and
didn’t offer. As I circled the hotel with my pizza, I saw him two more times,
but it was even more awkward to offer each time. I laughed because it was like
the universe was trying to help me along in this goal of meeting people, but I
just couldn’t get in gear. I think he thought I was laughing at him at one
point, but I hope not. Sorry Patrick!
Towards
my other goal of meeting and talking to editors, more for practice than as a
serious endeavor to get a book contract, also ended in a similar failure. I had
attended a few panels by editors about their books/companies. I marked out who
they were so later I could talk to them. However, by 3pm, the time designated to
socializing, I was literally too worn out to do anything. I ended up grabbing a
bookmark and running away from an artist’s table because I couldn’t remember
what I had wanted to talk to her about. I tried to sit calmly outside and
regain some energy, but it didn’t work. Later, I wound up sitting on a lobby couch
next to a writer who I had questions/comments for based on a program we had
both attended. It probably would have lead into an easy conversation, but I was
just too exhausted to make the attempt. Then an editor walked by headed to the
bar, where I could have offered to buy him a drink and picked his brain about
writery stuff. I just sat there in a stupor, trying to decide if I should push
through to the 5:30 panel I wanted to attend or just drive home. I went home. I
was almost too tired to drive home. (Apologies to the guy I cut off in an
unexpected lane merge).
So, what
did I really get out of Balticon? Well, I learned how an anxious introvert
should not do a con.
1. Do
not drive in the morning of. Arrive the day before and get a room.
2. Do
not attempt to scope out and then meet editors in one day. Scope them out on
day one. Research them. If you see them later, when you are peppy, talk to
them. They are people too. :)
3. Do
not put so much pressure on yourself to get it all done according to schedule.
4. Do
not attend to back to back panels. Even if you feel at a loss for something to
do, just go to every other panel. Relax and let things happen naturally.
5. Go
back to your room for a nap or to relax. Don’t worry if you miss out on
something because if you don’t rest, you aren’t “there” for it anyway.
So my resolution for future cons is to do it the right
way. Stay at the hotel and commit fully to the con. I was trying to balance
between family time at night and enjoying the con, but in the end I just
stressed myself into exhaustion. No more of that.
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