I’m still alive!

I know, it’s been a while, but I have a good excuse. See, in among all the excitement of the last post from mid-November, I also found out I was pregnant. Now there are some women who are great at being pregnant. I am not one of those. Between three bouts of colds/flu and several months of morning sickness, I am simply glad that I was able to hold my place in life, meaning the house is still standing, no one starved and no irreparable damage was done. Now that I am starting to have good days again, it is amazing to me how many dreams and ambitions have returned. I hope that I can always remember how it feels to be in bad health and be thankful for the good days even if I don’t get anything accomplished. Anyway, I won’t give you any more details about the last three months because I am SOoooo tired of being sick, talking about being sick and thinking about sick.

            Even though I’ve have been mostly out of commission and BooBear has decided that naps are not her thing anymore, I have managed a get few things done. I am taking a figure drawing class with Lisa Semerad at the Torpedo Factory. It is a great class and I’m learning quite a bit, but I wish I could take a day time class. By 7pm, I am usually settling in for the night and it’s tough to keep up the interest after a long day with the toddler. I also have created a few crafty things, including 2 bracelets, earrings, necklace charm, and plaque and name cards for the sister-in-law’s wedding. I also edited 1.5 chapters of the novel. When I write it out like that, it doesn’t seem like much, but when I start to feel like that I have to remind myself that I also grew about 5 months worth of new human being. The due date is July 9 but I am hoping for a 7-6-13 birthday just because the numbers are cool. Oh yeah, I’ve been working more on my ice dragon. Here is the comparison. Lisa (from the art class I’m taking) suggested a darker background behind the dragon and it looks fantastic!

            Now that I have come back to life, so to speak, I have a lot of things I want to do, but I am going to prioritize a few. 1) Keep editing the novel. 2) Write a pitch for the upcoming Nano contest and hope I win their little lotto so I can get some free professional critiques. 3) Paint some picture matts for friends. 4) Prepare for the new baby and possible move. There are several other projects that I would like to work on, but they are pretty ambitious and maybe not the best focus, but… since I’m enthusiastic about them, I might not wait for a more prudent time. 1) Create a tree on the wall in Sabrina’s room for family photos. (Reason for not starting: we might move.) 2) Put some effort in a comic/blog and get it off the ground. (Reason against: should focus on the other stuff). 3) Paint pretty designs on Boo Bear’s furniture. (Reason against: Need someone to add another coat of paint before I can do decorative painting because I am supposed to stay away from paint fumes. 

Victory and Courage to Quit

So, November has been a very eventful month and it is only half over. As I often mention around this time of year, November is NationalNovel Writing Month and this year I was more prepared than I've ever been. This showed in my first week word count of about 2000 words per day, when previously I've struggled to get to the minimum of 1,667 words. Then week two came along and I began to struggle with one of the story tracks. Words would fly out on the other, but it was agonizing going for the problem track. Around this time, I got very sick, my cat died and a few other things came up and I fell behind. I would rally and catch up or catch up enough to make success still possible, but then fall behind again when I was too sick to write or my daughter wouldn't nap. Finally, I came to realize that I was walking a fine line between sanity and pushing myself to reach this goal that no one but myself cared about. In other words I was just making myself sicker and not dealing with the grief I felt over my cat. I contemplated quitting, but the reality was that I could have pushed myself through to achieve this goal of 50,000 words so I wouldn't have to admit to myself that I was a quitter. Here’s the thing -  people always celebrate the person who pushes through to achieve the impossible goal no matter what the cost and ostracize the person who quits, but I think it takes even more courage to quit than to keep going. At least I have always found it to be so. I feel as if I have let everyone down, let myself down and in general created a big void of disappointment. I would be easier to bottle up my own feelings than to disappoint and justify. Quitting is not easy for me and it was not easy this time, but in the long term, I will be better in regards to my mental and physical health and the novel I am writing will be better. I will have time to figure out what is wrong with the story instead of just pouring out bad drivel to get a word count. And I will finish this story. I always do. Each Nano novel I have written has been completed much later and is another 30-40K longer than the 50K nano goal. So, I am taking the pressure off and taking a break to feel better.

            However, it’s not all sad news from this quarter. My Fairy-kissed Acorns made it into the Small Works art show at the Torpedo factory. Victory is mine! I’m over the moon! Unfortunately, the reception fell right at the beginning of my cold and I couldn't rally myself to attend, make new acquaintances and spread my plague to as many as possible. I was extremely disappointed, but as if to make up for it, I received a nice letter in the mail from an admirer of my drawing. How often does that happen? I won’t copy the whole note here, even though I am tempted, but will mention that the words “luxury, beautiful and vibrant colors” were used in the letter. So nice!!!! I’m going to keep the note forever in my little art scrap book! So, if you are ever impressed with someone’s creation, please do not be afraid to tell them. I promise they will appreciate it. :)

            In conclusion, it has been a memorable month and will probably continue to be so. Keep tuned for whatever comes next. 

Harry Potter Tent

As I think constantly about writing, even when I am not writing, random thoughts often pop into my head. Here’s a sampling.

I have a tent. It is a two person tent and somewhat sentimental since it was the very first piece of camping equipment that was all mine and shiny new. That was over a decade ago now, but for one glorious summer I lived in that tent in adult summer camp, (AKA as a research assistant). A couple days ago, I set it up in the sunroom for Sabrina to play in. Little did I know that in the years since I had set it up, it had acquired a musty, pee smell. Don’t ask me where this smell came from since it has always been stored in a dry place and I don’t make a habit of peeing on or in my tents. However this smell has pervaded the sunroom and makes me completely glad I’m not obligated to sleep in the tent. It also brings to mind the tent in Harry Potter that is described as smelling of cat pee. The description passed over me at the time as something of little concern, but after having minimal contact with my own pee tent, I refuse to buy the idea that anyone could have happily cloistered themselves in a pee tent for any length of time. I’ll bet you it wasn’t “you know who” or horcruxes making them cranky, but the constant smell of cat pee. So if you are a writer, be careful about what smells you subject your characters to and be sure they react properly.

Next random thought: I am listening to Elizabeth Gaskell’s book, Wives and Daughters. There is a character who used to pride herself on her very pretty blushes. In fact, if you read literature of bygone eras, blushes were then often praised as a woman’s booty-liciousness is praised now. In modern literature a blush has been reduced to an embarrassing reddening of the face and is not considered an asset. Why is that? Well, I blame makeup. Between cover up and rouge, the only blushes that would be visible would be the ones from extreme embarrassment that would bring the blush right up into the ears. The last time I blushed like that was after doing something completely stupid and it was definitely not a “pretty” moment or result. So, moral of the story: Blushes are dead (so don’t write about them) and Booty-liciousness is in (so round out your prose to your heart’s content.)

Well, writing randomness is at an end. Happy writing or tweeting or facebooking or whatever. 

Moments of Bliss

I started going to a counselor today for anxiety. She repeated some of the same things I've been reading about in a book called Mindfulness. The idea of mindfulness is about living in the present, actually experiencing the moment instead of running on autopilot. How many times have you suddenly come back into yourself and realized that you drove all the way to work, but can’t remember the drive? Happens to me all the time. This book is about taking back your life moment by moment. It’s big on meditation and one of the meditation practices is about eating a raisin. In this meditation you use all your senses to fully appreciate the raisin. The idea is to be fully and completely present for the experience. But you don’t need a raisin or meditation for this moment. It happens all the time. Every time you take that first sip of the uber choco mega foamed crumbly carmel delight you get as a treat, you are fully present in that moment. It happens every time you take that first bite of a meal in a restaurant. First kiss! When you have that first kiss with someone really special, are you thinking about how you need to wash your car? NO! You 100% focused on the present moment and all the physical sensations happening. How about that moment when you first relax into your bed, snug under your covers ready to go to sleep? Makes me smile just thinking about it. There are a million moments where we are fully present and attentive, but the real tragedy is how quickly we let them go and move back into our harried existence. The second sip might as well be dishwater for all the attention we pay it. And how quickly the shine rubs off that new relationship. The instant you are comfortable in bed, your mind starts racing ahead to tomorrow. Instead of realizing how much we ignore in life, we seek out those moments by buying a super coffee treat every day, every hour, until the specialness has worn away because we are no longer taking the time to be mindful of the experience. Yet we remember those moments of mindfulness and seek them out and compare the rest of our lives to them. So, I guess I am saying to enjoy the second sip and the last sip just as much as that first sip. Extend out your moment of bliss if you can.

            Just a note on mediation. I made a commitment to myself to meditate every day for just 15 min. I kept the promise today and found it enjoyable. I was very calm and centered afterward. That lasted all of 5 minutes. Then I opened my computer and started reading the twitter feed. I could feel my calm center fragmenting away into little pieces as I skimmed down. I found myself reading a story about murder even though I didn’t want to read about murder, but had to read because I didn’t know what a conker was. Then I had to google a conker. And it was, as the article said, a ridiculous reason to murder someone. And it was ridiculous that I was reading about it. I had in just a few minutes managed to stray from my calm center into the chaos of the very large global world we live in. I resolved right there to unfollow a bunch of twitter feeds like BBC. I thought it would be a good way to keep informed since I don’t watch or read the news, but really, if a catastrophe occurs, someone will tell me about it. So, time to declutter and enjoy another sip of cinnamon tea.

How to Walk the Dog.

I wrote this as part of an application for Howcast.com. They produce how to guides, both serious and comical. Insert Max whenever you read Rex. Let me know what you think!

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Congratulations! Today is a new day. You have decided to reform your dog walking techniques. No more detached limbs or involuntary speed walking. When you finish this how to, you will have controlled, sedate walks. As a step in the right direction, we suggest you buy that book by that Dog Whisperer guy.

1) Open book.
2) Intending to turn straight to the chapter on dog walking, you find yourself sucked into the Red Zone chapter about bad behavior and the warning signs.
3) One hour later, see Rex’s squirrel induced trembling in a whole new way. The trembling is no longer cute, but a sign that at any moment, he will break on out into rabid dog mode and eat your car…with you in it.
4) Softly (so he doesn’t eat you) tell Rex to stop whining. You’ll go for a walk in just a bit.
5) Give up on the book
6) Watch the TV show for a couple hours instead…learn so much…
7) Finally you are ready to begin. Get off couch.
8) Step in Rex’s pee. Apparently he wasn’t whining out of anticipation.
9) Curse.
10) Clean up pee and try not to look Rex directly in the eye in case it sets off his raging inner beast. Suddenly his name, short for T-rex, is no longer cute either.
11) Get out leash out of hall closet.
12) Drop leash and leap into closet because Rex has finally achieved mania. All that bouncing and drool, he must be about to excise your knee caps.
13) Consult your trusty Dog Whisperer instruction guide and realize that it is excitement, not mania.
14) Step out of closet and look furtively around, hoping no one saw you hiding in the closet.
15) Use your commanding voice to tell Rex to sit. Instead he runs circles around you like a deranged bee.
16) Finally, as your command voice shifts into pitch of a deranged bee and you grab a hold of his collar, risking amputation, to snap on the leash.
17) Yank…whirl… face plant!
18) Yell at Rex to calm down while detangling his leash from around legs.
19) Remind self that the Dog Whisperer says that raising your voice is bad. (Because it is liable to wake Rex’s inner demon?)
20) Move collar up right under Rex’s chin, holding his head up like a little princess, just like Dog Whisperer says.
21) Make Rex stay while you exit first as “leader of the pack.”
22) Pick self off the front step and yell at Rex for tripping you in eagerness to exit.
23) Adjust collar to choke position and set off.
24) Stop while Rex fights the new leash position like a fish on the line.
25) Start again.
26) Ignore awful retching and choking noises coming from Rex because he is too stupid to realize that if he slowed down, he wouldn’t choke himself.
27) Ignore horrified looks from people who think you are choking your dog.
28) Hold head high as if you are the Queen of Sheba (Dog whisperer says bearing and body language convey that you are “the leader of the pack.”)
29) Curse as you trip over sidewalk and then over Rex.
30) Curse more as Rex takes the opportunity to get his nose to the ground and collar back in proper pulling position.
31) Curse profusely as Rex suddenly finds traction and pulls you along like a kite that can barely fly.
32) Resort to squealing at Rex to please, please stop! (So much for Queen of Sheba).
33) Manage to direct Rex to pull you home with well time jerks on the leash, like guiding a runaway horse.
34) Open door.
35) Get run down as, in a last effort to take control, you try to get through the door first.
36) Detach arm from leash and let Rex do whatever the hell he wants.
37) Get out shot glass.
38) Drink.
39) Find chiropractor in phone book to put arm back in socket.
40) Sneak up on Rex while he is sleeping and unhook leash.
41) Hide leash in closet before Rex wakes up and thinks you are going again.
42) Hide in closet with leash.
43) Tear useless and frightening book into little bits.
44) Eat little bits because you are hungry, yet afraid to come out of closet to get food.